After the Festival
Saturday July 17th 11:00 PM -
THe Blues Festival.
It was a warm night. They had built a campfire
just because
campfires
were cool. The shadows and the smoke seemed to put them back in time
somewhere. The fascination of watching it flicker and burn was
hypnotic. Zack
and Shelley had just gone back to their tent. The two of them sat on a
couple
tree stumps that served as their chairs. Bill was maybe three feet from
TK,
he'd stare at the fire and every now then glance over at TK. TK was
doing the
same. Once in awhile, they would see each other watching. Sometimes,
they
would look away immeadiately, other times they would hold on, only
shifting
their eyes after an extra moment or two.
On one of these occasions when they locked
stares, Bill asked in
a low
voice as to try and not disturb the mood, "What you thinkin about?" "You
really wanna know?" "Yeah." TK looks back at the fire, "I'm trying to
decide
if, like, god's some sadistic bastard. Here I am with some ... really
hot ...
looking gay guy, who knows I 'm gay. I am thinking here's my chance" he
starts
whispering, "to maybe do things I've only read about or seen in
pictures.
Bill, you're like everything I always wanted, but there's an extra
thing."
Bill looks at him quietly asks, "What's that?" "It's a hundred fifty
miles.
A
hundred fifty fucking miles."
This same thought had entered Bill's mind,
more than once as they
sat
there. "It's sort of funny. Last night ... when we kissed ... I was
thinking
at last! ... You made me feel real crazy inside. ... I wanted to tackle
you,
roll you over, and ... well you know." Then slowly and back in a
whisper, "I
had these stupid dreams for years, in which I would be kissing and
touching
this other guy. ... Only thing I could never make out his face, then
last
night, I had the dream again. ... Only this time, it's your face I
saw. Then
a second later, you were gone, and ... I was back to the faceless man.
Then it
kept switching back and forth. For whatever reason, it scared me. ... I
woke
up sweating"
Again, they sat in silence looking at the
fire, and glancing
every little
while at each other. TK says, "I guess it's kind of crazy, but I was
sorta
hoping my first time wouldn't be a one night stand. ... I just don't
know what
to do. ... Christ, I know what I wanna do, and I wanna do it with you."
"Same
here. ... Before we give up hope, maybe we can try working something
out."
Bill continues, "Can you get away on weekends and stuff, cause, I'm
pretty
sure my Aunt Jean wouldn't mind if you came to visit?" "I suppose so,
my Grams
got relatives in Topeka. ... What about you, do you think you could
come out
by me?"
Bill, realizing that his parents won't
care where he goes,
"Yeah. I'm
pretty sure I couldn't every week, but every couple weeks. But, where
could I
stay?" " I suppose at our place most of the time, Grams and mom
are used
to
houseguests. And maybe once in awhile, you could stay with Zack and
Bart.
Don't think Will's dad would cotton to it." But the worried
expressions, they
wore, started to be replaced by enthusiastic ones.
"You got a computer don't you?" Asked
TK. At that
question, Bill face
sagged a little, "I'm not sure. ... I had one at my parents' house. ...
But I
don't know if Auntie Jean, will be able to get it. She was gonna go
over there
and get my things after I was gone. I guess I don't know what I got
anymore.
Shit half the clothes I got with me now are CJ's and Jim's." He starts
whispering again, with his voice catching now and then, "You can't
imagine ...
how you feel like shit ... Wh ...When your own mom and dad ... they
don't want
you around any more."
Sitting there with his elbows on his
knees, Bill covers his
face with
his hands, trying to hide the fact that he was crying. TK didn't know
what to
say. Anything he thought of didn't seem right. He got up, and went to
walk
behind Bill. Placing his hands he started to massage his neck. TK
whispered,
"You know sometimes the world is really fucked. ..." he speaks even more
quietly, "You'll make it. ... " then barely audible he adds, "You
can
count
on me."
After a short time, Bill says, "Let's call it
a night".
TK nods and they
get in the tent. Bill asks TK, "I'm really not in the mood ... for
anything
now. .... But I was wondering ... could you just hold me?"
TK nods in the darkness, his own eyes filling with tears, at the
thought of
the pain Bill was going through. "No problem, we got time for that some
other
day."
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back to "stray e-mail, part one"