Bart & Will

It was a cool Wednesday evening right before Bart's 16th birthday,
when he rode his 10 speed over to Will's place. Like almost everybody around
here. Will lived, with his parents and his family, in this case his little
sister, on a farm outside of town. Will's older brother, Ted, left to go to
school a couple of years ago. Right now, Ted was in town visiting. In fact
he said that he would probably end up going fishing with us in the morning.
Bart knew that Will idolized his older brother. Even though Ted was four
years older than Will, when they were growing up together, Ted always seemed
to make time for his brother. Ted was really cool.
He could see Will sitting on the porch, as he approached. Will was
Bart's best friend, and he had known him since they were both six. He could
tell that something's wrong. Will didn't even notice him 'til he stopped
right in front of him. Will looked bad. Bart said, "Will what's wrong?
Someone die or something?" It was then Will looked up into Bart eyes. Will
had been crying. In almost 10 years, Bart had never seen Will crying, not
even when he broke his arm two years ago. He sat down next to Will, putting
his arm over his shoulders, he whispered, "What is it Will? You know you can
tell me."
Will shook him off. Taking a deep breath, trying to get control of
his feelings, he said, "Don't wanta talk about it."
"Are you sure? I can tell something's screwed up."

Will sat there for awhile staring into the fields that surrounded the
house. "Ted 's gone. ... He left last night. ... Said he wouldn't be back."
"Don't worry, he'll be back during his next school break." Bart said
trying to cheer up Will.
"Didn't you hear me? He said he wouldn't be back, and he meant
ever!" Will was having a tough time controlling himself, a lone tear ran
down his cheek. Bart didn't know what to do, what to say.
"Ever? He was probably exaggerating."
"Last night, all I know is, he got into a fight with mom and dad,
then came into our room and started packing. I asked him what was wrong. He
said that he was going back to school early. Then he gave me this video
tape, 'Will, I just want you to know that I love you. No matter what. I Love
You. When you get a chance, I want you to watch this tape, but make sure mom
and dad aren't around. It's a movie, and lasts about an hour and a half.
Don't show it to anyone. But it might help you to know me better, and why
I'm not coming back.' But just before he finished packing, he gave me his
e-mail address at school, and then he left. This morning, dad tells me that
Ted won't be back for a long time, seems school is a lot of work, and he's
going to have to stay there just keep up."
"Tonight, my mom says they're all going to the Church meeting. But
seeing as she knew you were coming over, she said I could stay home.
          God, Bart, I don't know what's happening! What's going on? I know
what my dad told me was full of shit."
Bart again put his arm across Will's shoulders. "I don't know what
to say. Did you watch that tape?"
"Nah, I was wondering if you would watch it with me. We have time
now, mom and dad won't be back for three or four hours. And I really don't
wanna watch it alone."
"Sure, let's see it."

Will and Bart head into the living room, where the TV and VCR are.
Will runs up to his room to get the tape, while Bart gets them each a coke
from the fridge. Sitting with their backs resting against the couch, they
start the tape.
The movie begins, with a whistle blowing. Then this woman in a
Indian type costume says, "Right. Now. This is Mr. Bennett, who's..."

The credits are rolling by, Will has tears running down his cheeks.
Bart's all confused, what does he say? But he's got to try. "Will, you all
right?" after a brief pause, "Do you know if Ted's gay?" Bart thought he
knew what was right and what was wrong. He knew that sin was wrong, and he'd
been fighting it for years now. He didn't want to think of boys, he had to
be like his brother, Zack. But the movie made it seem like there was nothing
wrong with it. Will just sat there not talking, not moving but the tears
kept falling.
Bart, got up and got the tape out of the player and handed it to
Will.
"Will, you got to hide this. Ted was right, you can't let your mom
or dad know about it. Can't let anyone know about it."
Will, suddenly started talking, "Bart, could you hide it at your
house? Please? There's nowhere around here I can hide it without burying it in the
fields. But first, I got to talk to you." He motions for Bart to come sit
down, "I guess Ted's gay, cause that would explain a lot of things. I want
your promise that  you won't tell anybody about Ted or anything."
"Sure, I'd never tell anyone."
"There something else. That movie ... it wasn't just about 'Jamie'
and 'Ste' or Ted even, ... it was about me, too. ... I'm gay, Bart." After a
long silence, "Been wanting to tell you for awhile, I've been afraid to. You
know how fucked this town is. I hated lying to you, but how do you even
bring it up? You're my best friend, and you ought to know. But you don't
know how hard it is to tell someone."
"You're wrong there. I do know."
Will - "What do you mean?"
"I know how hard it is to tell someone you're gay." Bart's sitting
there staring at the floor hard enough to punch holes through it. "I just
figured I'd get over it. It was some phase I was going through, like they
say. ... Deep down, I knew different. ...  Will, how long?"
"Since, I've known?"
"Yeah."
"Guess it's been forever. I knew for years. What about you?"
"I don't know. At least since, eighth grade. Zack used to get these
Playboys and stuff and hide them in our room. I'd find them and look at em,
Nothing. Then I'd see some commercial with a guy, bare chested and sweating,
drinking a coke or something, and I'd start getting a hardon." Bart got up
and started looking for his knapsack. It was still out on the front porch.
Once he grabbed it, he asked Will "Do you really want me to hide that at my
place?"
Will nodded handing Bart the tape. Bart shoved it in the bottom of
his bag.

         "So, Will, what now?"
         "We act like nothin happened. We go fishing tomorrow. We can talk
about it then. We'll have to be careful around here. If my mom and dad
kicked Ted out, what do you think they'd do about me? No one can find out
about you either, if my parent's thought you were a 'queer', I sure as
hell'd never see you again."

        We sat and talked till his parent's got home. The next day, Will and
I went fishing, but didn't catch a thing, didn't try to. We talked and
talked. Things we bottled up inside, and things we thought we'd never tell a
living soul. It was great having someone to really talk to for the first
time in our lives. No lies, no hiding, no half truths. We eventually talked
about ourselves and, timidly, how we felt about each other. I told him, that
I was always dreaming about him and being with him, and how he was my
favorite 'beating off' fantasy. He said that he had a crush on me, since
that day when I held him, after he just broke his arm, and we were waiting
to take him to the emergency room. In his dreams, there is always some spot
where I am holding him and, looking down at his face, I kiss him long, and
hard. ...

        Before I got ready to go back home, Will gave me the slip of paper
with Ted's e-mail address. His parent's wouldn't let, that tool of the
devil, a computer in their house. They heard that all sorts of sin and
perversion were available with it. He asked me to send Ted a message. "Tell
him I saw the tape, and I thought it was great  Also, tell him I love him,
too. If you want to, tell him about you and me. If you don't want to, that's
OK. But at least, figure out some way to let Ted know about me."

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back to "stray e-mail, part one"