Ted & Gary Part 3

Monday July 5th @ 2:45 AM

Ted woke as Gary turned over in his sleep. He studied Gary laying
there, as he studied Gary most waking moments. He smiled as he wrapped
his arm around him, not wanting to wake him, but needing the feel of him
against his own skin. For Ted, Gary defined the word gay - not just the
sexual definition, but combined with the older, out of use 'gay'. Gary
was a celebration of life, the embodiment of joyous good feelings. The
first time, Gary used the word, at least when talking to Ted was the
night they went to see 'Maurice'.

We were walking to the theater, when Gary stopped in mid stride. He
pulled me over to the side, and said, "Ted ... I have to tell you the
truth. ... I actually have read the book 'Maurice', last year in high
school, we were told to read one book each by about 6 different authors.
When, I got to the library, 'Maurice' was the only book by Forster left
on the shelves. So I read it. The thing about it is that ... it's about
three guys who fall in and out and in love with each other." Gary was
not doing this well, "I just didn't want you to go in there and be
grossed out. So if you don't want to go after all, I'll understand."
I could only think to myself "Wow, you couldn't keep me away now."
but all I said, "No problem, This is the 90's after all." When I looked
at Gary, he seemed relieved. "then let's get going." We talked about
other Merchant - Ivory films, more like Gary talked, I hadn't seen any
of them. But it was pleasant, to hear his voice so full of enthusiasm.
When we got to the theater, the only thing I noticed was that the
audience with only one or two exceptions was all male. Didn't think much
of it, until the lights lowered and the picture started. It was then it
looked like there were a number of guys holding hands.

The movie ended, and Gary insisted on waiting until all the credits
rolled by. So I asked him, "It's not that late, want to go to the diner?
We can talk about the movie if you want." For some reason, he seemed to
have lost his enthusiasm, because all he said "Sure." in a low keyed
monotone voice. Well, I wasn't going tot force him, "Gary, if you'd
rather not, that's ok too. We can just head back to the Dorm."
"No, I could use a coke. Let's go." No one said anything during the
four block walk to the diner. I was trying to figure how to tell Gary I
really enjoyed the movie without saying too much. From the movie and
book selection, I sort of figured that Gary was not some kind of gay
basher, but that didn't mean he would want to hang around with a gay
guy.
We got our drinks and sat in 'our' booth from the nite before. Gary
looked at me and said, "Well, what did you think?'
"That Clive was an idiot. ... I thought the movie captured the
period perfectly. . The story was ... different ... I've never seen a
movie where it was about being gay with a ... happy ending." Then I
added for some reason, "If I were gay, I'd a wanted Scudder too." This
was the closest I had ever come to saying it out loud.
Gary kept staring at me, I was beginning to wonder if this was a
really good idea. He said, ""Yeah, I know what you mean ... or I think I
do. The production values were excellent. The movie follows the book
pretty much." He hesitated a moment, then asked "What did you think
about the ... ah ... gay love story aspect?"
I took my time answering, "It was all right. I just thought that
'Clive' was a little fucked up. Didn't seem to know what he wanted. I
guess a lot of people are like that. Looked like he was going to be in
the closet for the rest of his life, and that's sort of sad when you
think about it." Who was I to talk? This conversation which had lasted
10 minutes at the most, was the only time I had ever discussed anything
gay.
Gary asked me, "Ted, do you know anybody who's gay?" struck me as a
little humorous, 'did he mean other than me', "No. How about you?" It
was now Gary's turn to squirm a little, "Yeah, I know one guy for sure."
This conversation was getting a little too close for comfort. As if by
mutual consent, we started talking about some other movies. After a half
hour we started back to the dorm.
We didn't talk much. I was suddenly struck by the fact that we
never talk about sex. Most guys I knew would always be talking about
this babe, or that. I was getting more and more confused lately. While I
felt that I could really trust Gary, something stopped me from saying
anything. Well, we eventually reached our dorm floor, when Gary stunned
me when he said "Ah ... Ted ... You do actually know a gay guy. You're
talkin to him." Then he quickly turned and went into his room before I
could get a sound out of my tongue tied head. This was a real
mindfucker.

To Be continued...

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on to part 4

back to "stray e-mail, part one"