Bart's (bt-spinoff) "Keith
& Dexter Part 1"
(rough draft)
<From a file on a floppy disk>
Will,
This is what I have for the 1st part. I really got into the AUF series, and wished that Jean would have carried the Keith and Dexter story on. Let me know what you think. I sent Jean some e-mail to see if I could try and write a story, and she said it was okay with her.
Bart
=======================================
"Keith & Dexter Part 1"
Keith got out of the shower. He dried himself in front of the mirror. He looks at himself standing there and a doubt crosses his mind. 'What does Dexter see in me?' He is head over heals in love with a boy, not the crush he had on Michael. But a love that filled him from head to toe. 'Dexter. Dexter. Dexter.' the name rolled through his mind. They're kisses that first night when they met at the Gloucester, little pecks of the cheek. Then the feeling of excitement when Dexter kissed him and he kissed Dexter. To say it was magical, sounded stupid, but he felt like it woke him up and made him feel alive. Dexter was his Prince Charming. Last night was a dream come true. The feel of Dexter's body in his hands. And the feel of Dexter's hands holding and caressing him was making him hard again.
Dexter was straightening up his bedroom. He had told his sister and her boyfriend that he'd be bringing Keith home again that night. Dexter wishes that he was bringing Keith for good. Dexter's sister, could tell how he felt about this guy named Keith. The smile the name alone that came to his lips when he said it. Her little brother was in love. Miranda saw how happy he was and she knew he deserved to be happy. She couldn't believe that her nineteen year old brother finally had his first boyfriend, and lover.
Keith stopped to talk to his parents before he left for the Gloucester. "Mom, Dad, I don't think I'll back tonite, again. Might be crashing at Dexter's place. Me and Dexter are supposed to meet some other guys for a party later." His mom smiles and said "Keithy, you are going to have to bring your friend Dexter over he seems to have become one of your best friends. By the way, whatever happened to that nice girl that you used to see in sixth form?" "Mom, she's married with one kid and another due." His mother shakes her head, "Well, just remember, you still have the university next year." "Yes, mom." He walks out of the door, "Cheers!"
Dexter puts on the jacket that
Keith slept in the first night that they met. Knowing that he he used it to keep himself
warm at night, made Dexter think of Keith's soft skin and soft lips. So this is what it
was to be in love. There wasn'y any question in his mind that he and Keith were meant to
be together. He felt 'Little D' twitch each time he remembered that Keith, his Keith would
be coming here. He wanted Keith right now. Last night, they had finally had each other.
Keith was wonderful and funny and warm and kind, and everything.
Dexter remembers Keith teasing him with the 'business end of his manhood'.
But this was it, Dexter yelled to his sister and Reggie, "I'm going! Be back late. Remember Keith's coming with me. Please be nice to him." Miranda yells back, "Don't worry! We'll be nice to your Keithy, Dex. He's just so cute!" Dexter hears that and says, "Randi, PLEASE don't call him that." "OK. Get your ass in gear. You wouldn't want to keep him waiting now."
They met at the door, both arriving at the same time. Keith had not been looking up due to the cold winds that night. So when he reached for the door at the same time as Dexter and their hands touched her felt that old pink electricity jump between them. They opened the door and walked in hand in hand.
=======================================
<EOF>
From: "Will Sommers"
<WillemS@jmcs.com> 8/W2O9/99 6:21 AM
Subject: Keith & Dexter Part 1
To: "Bart Matthews"
<Brtmthws@jmcs.com>
Bart,
This is excellent. I don't see what the fuck you were so worried about. I love it. There were some minor points, like Keith and Dexter sound too american. So I made some notes in the text.
=======================================
"Bart's (BT-spinoffs) Keith & Dexter Part 1"
Keith got out of the shower. He dried himself in front of the mirror. He looks at himself standing there and a doubt crosses his mind. 'What does Dexter see in me?' He is head over heals in love with a boy, not like [added the word like] the crush he had on Michael. But a love that filled him from head to toe. 'Dexter ... Dexter ... Dexter,' the name rolled through his mind. They're kisses that first night when they met at the Gloucester, little pecks of the cheek. Then the feeling of excitement when Dexter kissed him and he kissed Dexter. To say it was magical, sounded stupid, but he felt like it woke him up and made him feel alive. Dexter was his Prince Charming. Last night was a dream come true. The feel of Dexter's body in his hands. And the feel of Dexter's hands holding and caressing him was making him hard again.
Dexter was straightening up his bedroom. While his sister and Reggie had originally said they were going to be gone for the weekend, they were still there. When they met Keith that morning, Miranda seemed to be all smiles. [In the original AUF stuff, K&D were supposed to have the place to themselves.] Dexter had told his sister and her boyfriend that he'd be bringing Keith home again that night. Dexter wishes that he was bringing Keith for good. Dexter's sister, could tell how he felt about this bloke [guy sounds too american] named Keith. The smile the name alone that came to his lips when he said it. Her little brother was in love. Miranda saw how happy he was and she knew he deserved to be happy. She couldn't believe that her nineteen year old brother finally had his first boyfriend, and lover.
Keith stopped to talk to his parents before he left for the Gloucester. "Mum [all "mom"'s shoulf be "mum"], Dad, Ah dun [instead of "I don't" sounds a little better] think Ah'll [was "I'll"]back tonite, agin [was again]. Might be crashing at Dexter's place. Me an Dexter are supposed to meet some other blokes [guys to american] for a party later." His mom smiles and said "Keithy, you are going to have to bring your friend Dexter over. 'E [was "He", lots of the other stories they drop the "H" sound when poeple are talking] seems to have become one of your best mates.[They call their friends mates. I think it means more than friend does here.] By the way, whatever happened to that nice girl that you used to see in sixth form?" "Mum,[Another mom] she's married with one kid and another due." His mother shakes her head, "Well, just remember, you still have the uni [was university, I guess they they call it that for short.] next year." "Yes, mum.,[Another mom]" He walks out of the door, "Cheers!"
Dexter puts on the jacket that Keith slept in the first night that they met. Knowing that he he used it to keep himself warm at night, made Dexter think of Keith's soft skin and soft lips. So this is what it was to be in love. There wasn't any question in his mind that he and Keith were meant to be together. He felt 'Little D' twitch each time he remembered that Keith, his Keith would be coming here. He wanted Keith right now. Last night, they had finally had each other. Keith was wonderful and funny and warm and kind, and everything. Dexter remembers Keith teasing him with the 'business end of his manhood'.
But this was it, Dexter yelled to his sister and Reggie, "I'm goin! [was "going" seems that they don't always say their g's, we do the same thing here.] Be back late. Remember! Keith's comin wiv [was "coming with", Like Jamie in BT they saw wiv instead of with.] me. Please be nice to 'im. [was "him"] " Miranda yells back, "Don't worry! We'll be nice to yar[ they seem to 'yar' instead of 'your', at least in a lot of the stories.] Keithy, Dex. 'E's just so cute!" Dexter hears that and says, "Randi, PLEASE don[Was "don't", dropped the t in this word.] call 'im that." "OK. Get your arse [was "ass", the english say arse instead.] in gear. You wouldn't want to keep 'im waiting now, would ya. [added ', would ya', cuz it got more of an english rythym sound if you know what I mean]"
They met at the door, both arriving at the same time. Keith had not been looking up due to the cold winds that night. So when he reached for the door at the same time as Dexter and their hands touched he [think you forgot the 'he'] felt that old pink electricity jump between them. They opened the door and walked in hand in hand.
=======================================
Bart, the only real thing you might have to work on is trying to sound english. But just ad a few 'blokes', 'mums' and throw out some 'h's your set. The story is really great. I hope you post it.
Luv [another one of those words.],
Will
PS - I miss you all the time lately. I woke up at 5 and couldn't stop thinking about you. So I got up and and read your story. Well, only 4 days til we leave.
------------------------------------------------
The final version of the story can
be found at bart.htm
"Keith & Dexter part one"
It is essentially the same as Will's corrected version but without the internal comments.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
back to "stray e-mail, part two"